My motivation to read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time came, curiously enough, at approximately 2 am on a Saturday night in a seedy bar while watching a highly intoxicated ex-lover that I was madly in love with, cry into his twelfth beer. A tragic Saturday indeed.
I was summoned there by a distraught man that I thought I had been dating, to be a open ear, a shoulder to cry on, and possibly a ride home. In my mind, I was there to be a saviour. In his words, I was there because I was being used.
It had been four rocky months since I had met him and I was still very much gunning for the position of girlfriend. I knew that it was likely that he was not looking for the same relationship that I was, but when he called asking for help, I was there, hoping for a turning point for the better.
I ran through the night (in a very dramatic fashion, naturally) only to find him alone, slumped on the table, in the middle of a melt down, spurred on by his perception of those around him to be highly superficial.
Somewhere in his slurred rambling about why should not be together, he mentioned that he saw similarities between the main character of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time and himself. Similarities in not having the ability to connect with other people. Not wanting to appear like I hadn't read every book that he had, I said that I understood where he was coming from.
In actual fact, I had not a clue. I text mailed the name of the book to myself, strapped him to my back, and brought him home to my couch to sleep it off.
After a very sad and final breakfast, I dropped him off and headed straight to the liquor store and the used book store. Armed with a bottle of Chardonnay and with what I thought was a text book on the inner workings of my ex-lover, I hit the sheets.
Much to my suprise/chagrin, I learned that the main character of the book, Christopher Boone, was a ten year old boy with Autism from a broken home. The opposite to the older, highly intelligent man who had just broken my heart.
I read the book with enthusiasm and a detective-like eye, looking for any clues that could either help me to realize that I had dodged a bullet or have insight that could help me to bring him back into my life.
The story follows young Christopher Boone as he attempts to solve the murder of his next door neighbour's dog and incidently unravels the lives and lies of his parents.
Needless to say, I was more confused than ever as I turned the last page. If anything, at the time I saw more similarities between Christopher and myself as we were both searching for clues and getting no answers to the questions we were asking ourselves and others.
It was certainly a lovely book, one that I enjoyed more upon reading it a second time, without looking for answers that pertained to my own life. On the second go around I was struck by one sentence that seemed to answer all of my questions.
"And this shows that sometimes people want to be stupid and they do not want to know the truth"
How this ten year old Autistic child taught me something so profound, I will never figure out. His matter of fact approach to life was one that I would have to adopt in order to move on and be happy. It seems as though the root of my heart ache had been in taking a simple fact and not believing in it. The situation was quite clear by most accounts, that the one I wanted to be with said that he did not want to be with me.
No amount of books or analysis or wine or gossipping would change that. There was no hidden gem in the book, or anywhere for that matter, that would turn up and change what was already decided. So many times we look so hard at a cut and dry scenario, looking for what we want when it is clear that what we want is just not there.
There are no complex situations, just complex ways of looking at them.
In a round about way, I had my answer. He was nothing like Christopher Boone, but the reference was what ended up giving me peace in the situation. Funny how I read this book in order to learn about an old flame and ended up learning about myself. I think that is proof that the universe is looking out for me.
So thank you Christopher, or rather Mark Haddon, for opening my eyes. For teaching me that my optimism should not be wasted on another indiviual or situation, but on my own growth.
Turns out that the only mystery worth solving in my own life is me, and I am surely the best detective for the job.
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